Monday, October 13, 2008

Letting Go

I went for a late coffee break at Tim Horton’s last night when I chanced upon a helpless little bird on the pavement. It doesn’t look injured, but it looks like it was confused, cold, and seemingly incapable of flying. It was a good thing people who rush their way into this busy cafe did not trample upon the poor creature. Worried about its impending doom, I took hold of the bird and held it with both of my hands. I was a bit careful not to put so much pressure on the young sparrow, while at the same time careful not to lose it. The more I gripped, the more it chirped. I wanted to take it home, feed it, then set it free whenever it is capable. But my subconscious thoughts told me to set it free immediately. I was a little apprehensive about this, and tried to contradict myself. I let lose of my grasp and away it flew to a nearby tree; far from the crowd and the traffic passing by. I just hope it will survive the coming Canadian winter which can get nasty and bitterly cold.

Pondering about this made me think about a new chapter in my life. You see, I have a younger sister. When we were little kids I made a promise to her that wherever I go someday I will help her, and take good care of her. This childish vow never left my mind through out the years. After being in Canada for more than eleven years I finally was able to fulfill this dream. Lately though, in spite of all my advice and sharing of experiences, she wanted to move from Toronto to Vancouver. It seemed to me she wasn’t too interested in facing this whole new life with my help, or with me around. Perhaps, she has some other personal reasons which she refuses to share. Maybe she is just another one brave individual who wants to tackle a brand new world by her own. Confirming this with her, I felt disppointed; she was too. I was completely adamant againts her ideas and stood on my ground.

Now the little bird still speaks with me in my thoughts as I remember it chirped in my hands as if begging for its life. “Dear sister, I am afraid to let you go. I really worry about what might happen to you in that far away place. You see, I am just shielding you from all the troubles a strange land would give. We are eight thousand miles away from home. I do not want you to experience pain, failures, and frustration. Why are you so willing and brave to face all of this when I can lay everything perfect for you? Since Mom and Dad passed away I am paranoid to lose another one. Let my pain and experiences guide you. Use it and repeat not my struggles.”

Today, I still wonder if that bird ever survived nature’s elements that night. Could it be dead by now, or is it out there happily flying free in the air? Should I let you go sister or should you entrust your future to an age old promise?